Hello! My name is Sam and I am a full-time parent to my two daughters, aged 5 and 3. I am also a trained birth and postnatal doula.

My journey into motherhood started when I became pregnant for the first time in 2017, with a due date in August the following year. My pregnancy was mostly a joyful experience, with a few hurdles to overcome thrown in for good measure.
We were initially told that we were expecting twins at an early private scan, only to discover that sadly, only one of our babies was viable at our 12 weeks scan in the hospital. It was a very confusing and upsetting experience and I still think of our lost twin often and with a wistful longing and an unanswerable curiosity. I also remain so glad that we made the decision to tell close family and friends when we first found out about our twins. The support and comfort we received from everyone when we experienced our loss was indispensable and is something that just wouldn’t have occurred if we’d kept everything a secret.
On the whole, I really enjoyed the sensations that came with being pregnant. Everything felt a little bit out of my control, with hormones dictating my emotional moods and my body slowly becoming physically unrecognisable in the mirror. But reminding myself that these shifts were temporary and essential for the work that my body was doing helped me to find perspective, and gratitude. Ever since, I have found myself more and more in awe of women’s bodies and what they can do and build, all while simultaneously functioning in regular day to day activities!
Later on, I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes: essentially, my pregnancy was producing hormones which affected my insulin response. This causes dangerous spikes in blood sugar which, over time, would affect the size and health of my baby and the effectiveness and longevity of my placenta. This was difficult and confusing news to process and I felt suddenly totally out of control of my experience, having been placed under the care of a consultant and labelled “high risk”. I set to reading and researching as much as I possibly could about the condition and about others’ experiences with it, so that I felt informed and confident when making decisions about my care.

Autonomy in pregnancy and birth is something that I knew nothing about before I read The Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill. It is now something I feel incredibly passionate about and I believe it is every woman’s right to be empowered and supported to make informed and confident decisions about her own care. We also signed up for a midwife-led hypno-birthing antenatal course at our local hospital and it was one of the best decisions we made during my pregnancy. The overwhelmingly positive impact that this course had on our experience cannot be understated. It helped to improve our relationship and our communication immeasurably and it completely altered my perception of pregnancy and birth.
The birth of my first baby was not at all what I had expected or planned for. However, I felt fully informed and confident throughout labour and birth that I was making the right decisions for myself and my baby. This left me feeling nothing but joy and empowerment when my baby eventually arrived, via forceps and with a spinal block in the operating theatre.
During the birth of my baby, I had undergone an episiotomy and experienced a third-degree tear, for which I would need physiotherapy. Recovery was a long process but one which left me feeling grateful for my incredible body and the healing it managed to do all by itself.
I enjoyed a lengthy breastfeeding journey with my first baby, thanks in no small part to the amount of care and support I was very lucky to receive from my husband and my family and friends. I had naively assumed that breastfeeding would be easy and natural - and for some, it is - but I quickly came to realise that both establishing and maintaining feeding a baby is not a given for everyone and is in fact, a full-time job in itself!

My second baby was born in October of 2020, meaning that my pregnancy began almost exactly when the COVID19 pandemic put the UK into Lockdown for the first time. Diagnosed with GD again, this time from the start of my pregnancy, the experience was very different. Isolated from all the mum and baby groups and friends and family, really highlighted to me how important all these communities are to an expectant mum and a young family. Running around after a 2 year old was exhausting, and my restricted diet was tougher than ever with the limited supplies available at the shops. All of my appointments and scans had to be attended on my own and, like everyone else at the time, I was struggling mentally to comprehend what the future would be like and what kind of a world this baby was going to be born into.

Despite having to take medication for a short time to help keep my blood sugar levels under control, I managed my diet and my care so that I ended up birthing my baby in the midwife-led unit with no interventions. The fear, uncertainty, worry and sadness that I had felt over the last 9 months instantly dissipated as my husband passed our new baby up into my arms and I have never felt prouder of my body and its strength and power.
Happily, breastfeeding was off to a great start, but we did need a little help down the line when it transpired that my baby was suffering with reflux. Without any Health Visiting clinics running during the pandemic, it was down to me to recognise that something wasn’t right and to seek help. I often wonder how first time mums managed during such a difficult and lonely time without any services available to help them.
I was lucky enough to be able to breastfeed both of my children for 16 months each and I’m incredibly grateful to those around me who supported me in both journeys.
I have learned an incredible amount about myself having been a full-time parent to both children for the last 6 years. Pregnancy, birth and motherhood is the wildest ride I’ve ever been on. No one should have to feel alone when embarking on this journey. They say that it takes a village to raise a child. Well, I believe that it takes a village to raise a mother too, and maybe a doula is the guide you need to help you find yours.

What a beautiful blog, Sam! Even as your sister-in-law, there are details of your journey that I didn’t realise until now. I am so proud of you and ever-inspired by the incredible mother you are. Your girls (and clients) are so lucky to have you.